This last Wednesday, April 2nd, was a very special day. First, we had MLC! Second, it marked my ONE YEAR in Hong Kong. Puke.
Anyways. I just LOVE MY MISSION PRESIDENT. He is so wise, and a fantastic teacher. He makes me want to be a teacher. Anyways, before MLC started I read Ether 12:2 about Ether as a missionary. It said "for he could not be restrained because of the Spirit of the Lord which was in him." As soon as I read it I thought, "wow...I wish I could become that kind of missionary."
Then, a couple hours later we were reading that verse of scripture with President Hawks and he said, "this is all of you! Despite your trials, you cannot be restrained!"
"Whhhhhaaaaaa?" I thought. "Me?" So, I thought about it some more...
Think of all the times the past year I have been rejected. Think of all the people who have told me I was wrong, that God doesn't exist, that I've made it all up. Think of all the people who have told me I am wasting my time. Think of all the people who have straight up laughed in face about what I share, or yelled at me to leave. All the times I cried because of the hurtful words of others. All the days I spent hours soaking wet from rain, or dripping with sweat in the blazing sun. All the days that ended with me crying on the tile floor to my Heavenly Father in prayer. I've been cast out, rejected, ridiculed, and tried to my limits.
And yet...I wake up every morning and do it again.
I CANNOT BE RESTRAINED!
Despite it all, everywhere I go, I still just want to share the gospel with every one! Everyday, all day long. I can not be restrained because of the Spirit of the Lord which is in me.
I know it's the Spirit. Not because it's continually burning in my chest, or incessantly whispering the secrets of the universe to me. It's simply because there is no way on earth Kaity Pearl would have the ability to endure all that I have this last year, and still be waking up with a smile and a bursting testimony. It has to be the Spirit. And grace.
That night, I was thrilled by the little self-esteem booster Heavenly Father had sent me. But, suddenly it really sunk it....I've been here for a whole year. Not a transfer....a year. Honestly, I've only looked forward to this point, because it meant I was getting pretty close to the end. But for the first time, thinking of ending my mission was a hundred times harder than continuing it. I walked out of our study room and sister Tidwell hugged me as I cried. I always envied missionaries who had those feelings...I never thought I would feel them...never.
It terrified me. But, it encouraged me at the same time. I realized that...I actually love being a missionary! And, through my earlier revelation in Ether 12, as well as other lessons learned throughout the week, I realized that I am pretty good at it! I've got a long ways to go, but I think my Heavenly Father is pleased.
Sorry if this whole email is just me talking myself up. "Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever" (Alma 26:12)
I know that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, my mission has changed me. I have seen miracles and will yet see many in my time left. And, I'm SO EXCITED ABOUT IT.
Please, just be obedient and seek to more fully fulfill your sacred covenants. I know you hear it again and again, but I testify that by so doing, you will transform into the person Heavenly Father wants you to become. And in this, you will find JOY.
I love you so much!
Sister Pearl
The Dragon Warrior
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